Being out of school just creates so much uncertainty. It feels like everyone has it all figured out when really they don't. I think I thought that I would have my life laid out by now, but life is so funny in that way, and I've just been learning that I'll never be done growing and there is beauty in that and showing your vulnerability through the unknown. Something I keep telling myself (and my friends laugh at me for because it could easily be written on a coffee mug) is life really is too short to do anything you don't want to do and to be in a unhealthy environment. Just go with your gut and trust it. Looking back on so many times I can see that I knew within the first couple of hours something wasn't right for me. I often want to do the "right thing", which tends to make me stick around in something long after I should be out.
So to be completely honest, I'm looking for a job and it has been one of stranger times of my life. And if I am going to be completely totally transparent, I had a job, and long story short, it was not a great fit and for me due to the lack of communication and training and the amount of stress and anxiety I was feeling was unhealthy. I was made to feel inconvenient for being new, and that's not something I want from a place I spend eight plus hours a day. I just want to be in a space that encourages learning and training with respect, because honestly, that's how you grow. But because it's what I thought I should do, I stayed while everyday knowing this was not my path. I wanted to try to squeeze into it. After all this I have realized to force something that won't be is just useless and disappointing.
The other day Will and I were taking a walk and he asked me if I knew what a weed was. When I answered that I didn't he said, "a weed is a flower that grows in the wrong place." Its hard to not feel that way now, with a million directions I could go, but I choose to know I'll get this figured out and one day the path will feel less wobbly.
recently in points:
- the podcast Making Oprah. I've had a lot of time in the car recently and podcasts have been the best way to pass the time. Wow, she's just such an encouragement and hearing Oprah's story and intention behind the show was just all together inspiring. (Also let me just take a moment to state my appreciation for podcasts and for the people who listen to me rant about them time after time.)
- went to Will's place in the tiny town of Leslie, AR for Easter, where Will rode in the back of a pickup truck in a beach chair through the woods
- bought strawberries off the side of the road
- hiked Devil's Den and got lost
- drove to Dallas, TX to meet my sister for a wedding and ate at our new favorite favorite place, TOASTED coffee + kitchen (the ricotta be kidding me is amazing).
- finally made it to the Frank Lloyd Wright house at Crystal Bridges. Worth the wait for sure.
- started The Handmaid's Tale.. its the most moving piece of television I've seen in a while (as an avid TV watcher, thats saying something ha..)
10/28/2022 08:01:08 am
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11/4/2022 08:30:59 am
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